Insecurities are loud. Confidence is silent. Except my confidence is going to be loud because it’s taken me a long time to find it.
I’m 31 years old. It’s taken my entire life, and a few solid weeks of isolation to finally figure out how like myself. No.. love myself. As much as I wish all of this could be under different circumstances, I needed this. I needed this alone time to face some heavy, deep shit that needed to be handled. I needed this time alone in my head and in my heart to reinvent myself.. to find out who I really am. Me and that girl in the mirror, were buds now. I don’t hate my reflection. I’m not at war with my mind. I feel peace.
I’ve wasted so much of my life hating my appearance and not knowing who I really am on the inside. I’ve been 120 pounds, I’ve been 190 pounds, I’ve been blonde, I’ve been brunette, I’ve had every hair color under the sun honestly. I’ve starved myself, I’ve eaten my feelings. I’ve done all these things to try to feel better about myself but what I actually did was create a monster. “I hate my body.”
“I need to lose weight.”
“I need better boobs.”
“I need a bigger butt.”
“Maybe if my hair were that color, I’d be prettier.”
These are lies I fed myself daily.. and I know I’m not the only one. When you tell yourself something long enough, your mind will believe it to be true, and it takes a lot of work to come back from that negative self talk.
The same is true when you start speaking kindly to yourself. Tell yourself you’re a beautiful, sexy, kind, loving, hot piece of ass and you’re going to start to believe it. Tell yourself you’re worthy of love, respect, and loyalty from all of the relationships in your life, and you’ll get it.
That, friends, is self love and that is how you’ll get your confidence back. THAT is how you find yourself. I love this girl in the mirror.. finally. I love her body - stretch marks, jelly rolls, love handles and all - I love her smile, I love her personality and sarcastic sense of humor, I love that she has an opinion and a voice, I love that she is a good human.. I even love her dirty ass mirror. I love everything about her and I LOVE that I get to spend the rest of my life with her.