2 minutes ago
I showed up to teach a class this morning, when no one came, that’s when I decided to go live on instagram and show some pieces of moving out the sleep.
Now I’m hearing that people were waiting outside a locked door.
How fucking shitty is that?
I kissed my man, our pup and puppy nephew goodbye, and went out there to do the best I can.
Today has felt like one of the most beautiful days, but this stopped me and brought me to my knees.
the trauma of depression is real, and there is a real fear of slipping back.
There was a time when I couldn’t show up for others, when I wasn’t showing up for my self, and that is a tough mental space to grow from, self doubt, it has fangs like a hungry wolf.
The healing has been years long, but the results aren’t as consistent as I’d like.
So I’m sitting with this one, hard.
accountability, self inquiry.
all I have, it feels, are buzz words right now.
I’m in it, and it’s real easy to rush to the next pretty thing, but real growth, it ain’t so pretty.
acknowledge how far you’ve come, don’t let that self doubt creep in when you know you are showing up.
question everything for a moment, this is the self reflection in action.
look for the room to grow, this is the accountability.
when you hear the shake in your voice, or the panic in your breath, use the tools you have to come back to center.
call a positive life line if you have to, but when all that’s left, is truth, shed the tears from the trauma that’s been, keep moving forward into the reality that is.
accountability keepitreal keepgoing