15 hours ago
As I was compiling my post yesterday, I came across this picture taken in Tahoe last weekend, and it hit me.
The world is so big. Why do we want to be so small?
There is SO much on this Earth that God has given us to see, explore, and discover. You weren't created to wither away, never experiencing life to your full potential.
A friend asked me earlier how I came to the realization that I was sick, spiraling down in a very wrong direction. And typing my answer to her helped me unpack a lot of things I've been feeling but hadn't been able to verbalize until just now--
Up until just recently, as recent as within the past couple of weeks, I went through this constant back and forth of fighting with myself, telling myself "I love to eat food" but "I was SO lean earlier this year" until it hit me...I was lean because I was STARVED. Loving to nourish my body and being THAT lean will never be two things which can occur together. And when I was that small, I never let myself enjoy food. And food brings me JOY. It brings me joy because it gives me life, it fills me up, and let's me explore and climb and see the world. So why the hell would I sacrifice that joy to be lean? To look a certain way?
Your body needs energy. Your body needs sustenance. Your body needs nourishment. Your body DOES NOT need to look any certain way.
So if I had to choose between the two (and I do have to choose)? I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing mountains. I'm choosing running through the forest with my husband to get to that beautiful lake up ahead. I'm choosing my health and well-being. Balance. Love. LIFE.
I feel now fuller than ever. I am wholly myself. Wholly able to experience nature, run, jump, climb, breathe...I can breathe now. I am whole.