3 minutes ago
by now, you likely know that i’m terrible with words. (my letters come of meaningless, rushed. i wish i could convey my feelings in an easier way— if i could rip my heart from my chest and ask you to listen to it as if it were a conch-shell, i would.) however, that won’t stop me from trying.
i fell in love with nine talented, angelic boys on a sticky summer afternoon. exactly one-hundred days ago, around 2,400 hours ago, i decided to carve out a piece of my heart and dedicate it to you. (i had only done this once before, and the notion was, frankly, terrifying.) i scratched your name into my memory and sealed my fate. then, i slowly fell in love with each of you.
first, it was minho. i cannot remember the exact order, but i’m certain that he was first. besides our personalities, i felt the pain that he did, i understood the frustration of someone telling you that you weren’t good enough. i felt for him, spent numerous nights wondering how he’d done it; how he’d ignored what others claimed and cemented himself in his talents.
as i said, i don’t remember who was next. but i continued to fall in love.
woojin, who was warm and reminded me of home. chris, who was serene and peaceful, who’s lyrics brought memories of late nights. changbin, who’s abrasiveness forced me to be kinder (as ironic as it sounds) to myself. his words made me feel strong, proud of who i was. hyunjin, who’s bright eyes and smiles reminded me of how it felt to be happy. jisung, who’s kindness brought hope, brought reminders that there were people who cared. felix, who was special. felix, who made me fall harder and harder every day, who was like the white rabbit, leading me down a never-ending passage. felix, who reminded me that it was okay to feel hopeless. seungmin, who’s love and devotion to his members (though he doesn’t always show it) made me long for real friendships. jeongin, who’s innocence made me wish for someone i could baby, could hold close to me.
i fell in love with each of you, and i don’t think i’ll be able to stop. truthfully, i’m not sure i’ve ever felt this way before, but i trust you to guide me.
( continued in comments. )