52 seconds ago
7 years ago everything changed. It was the first time I really began to acknowledge questions I had burning in the center of my chest. I felt restless. Like I was longing for something that I didn’t even have the words to yet. I finally confessed this to Steven and his eyes grew wide. Not because he judged me but because he felt the same way. Thank God we had each other, because as we shared some of these feelings with our peers we were met with blank stares. In fact I was literally told by a close friend at the time, “Wow. Look around. I can’t imagine anything better. If you can’t thrive here then I question if you could thrive anywhere.” And even though I have never been hit by car, I left that conversation feeling as though I had.
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A year later we found ourself back in our home town. The last place we ever imagined we be, but knew we needed at that time. We had a brand new baby on our hip. And slowly but surely we began to give ourselves permission to really search out answers to those questions. And it felt like relief. Like having a drink of cold water after years of thirst. And life was beautiful. Until we received a letter from a couple we hadn’t spoken to in years telling us that they were disappointed. That they missed the old us. That they liked when we spoke of those old dreams of ours. The ones that matched theirs. They told us how they felt we had settled. How our potential was just a dried up of carcass of what once was. And would love to tell you that I didn’t let it bother me. But the truth is I distinctively remember the way I inhaled sharply as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Because at the time in my life, to be misunderstood was my personal hell. "Funny how time makes things clear. I can look back now and see what a gift that was. All of it. The restlessness. The questions. The searching. The misunderstandings. The undoing. The tear down led to where we are now: the rebuilding. I could write a book on the past couple years of my life alone. But for now I just want to say I’m grateful. Because who I am today is so much stronger than yesterday. I’m starting to understand my purpose. I’m beginning to know why I am here.