Here you are. You wrote him songs inspired by the idea of the two travelling the world together. You’ve made plans all the time and you’ve tried to guess all his needs. The same wasn’t given to you freely.
You became angry, frustrated and hopeless remembering those times when you couldn’t care less if he jumped off a bridge. You started hating him for not realising how much you cared. You’ve been dragged all along for things you didn’t control in the beginning, so that he could keep his love options open, as he figured what he wanted. You hoped that it was all a lie but deep down you knew that love would never obsess over past issues, love is above pride or ego, right? But you knew the red flags were still there. Do you remember when it all started? It started when you offended him by showing him what love could be, not the hot and cold shower, no silly mind games, just pure open love. Some people aren’t ready to love and you can’t force it. Someone new will be there for you since day one, without complications, problems, questioning, guessing, and will only calm you down when your mind is racing. I hope you find it. And until then enjoy the ride. Love yourself so that you’ll never end up in a co-dependent relationship. If you love yourself, anything that threatens that will automatically be removed. We, when lonely, tend to accept anything that could distract us from deep self knowledge.